User talk:Airia166
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the User:Airia166 page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:33, February 18, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:45, February 18, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story Your story didn't meet our quality standards. Starting with the smaller issues first. Ellipses are to indicate a pause in dialogue or omission of words from a quote. Do not use it to signify a 'dramatic pause' as that comes off as melodramatic. (A comma or period serves the same purpose.) Also avoid completely capitalizing entire phrases as it tends to look blocky. (an exclamation point accomplishes the same goal.) Wording errors: "it was only me and mom since dad was way (away) in a war some where (somewhere),", " I knew it was far to (too) late", "but when I ran an (and) hid in the woods I saw exactly what they did. (had seen)", "I loose (lose) control of my body when I am..." Story issues: avoid cliches like red eyes with black sclera as often as possible. "The whites of my eyes were black with my iris being red." While on the subject of appearances: " I also had wings, black, scaly, bat wings." How/why did she grow wings and why is there little to no mention of the growth. Additionally how did a nine year old over-power and pulverize a full-grown woman. Problems with the ending: "Well(,) um... I guess I better go. Hope you enjoyed the story! Wait, did you hear that....?'" First off, is the framing device being spoken aloud? If so, who is telling the tale and why? Perhaps the largest issue is that this story comes off as solely a means for introducing your creepy pasta character and little else. It comes off like a bio and really doesn't make any attempt to build tension, plot, or character development. There needs to be more explanation to her mental degradation than this: "I'm giving up on fighting it. I don't care anymore. I'm a monster to all who know what I did." Those were a few of the reasons why your story was deleted. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:16, February 18, 2015 (UTC) :Saw you are making plans on re-working the story. Just thought I'd provide this guide about OC characters just in case you were planning to sit down and re-write the story. That being said, I would strongly advise against making an appeal without having re-worked the story. As such I am undoing your deletion appeal until you decide whether or not to have a copy. (I would use my message and that guide above for reference.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:14, February 18, 2015 (UTC) ::No problem, remember we have the writer's workshop to help users starting out on how to improve their stories and get helpful feedback before submitting to the main site. (I've used it myself a number of times and my most recent story posted there was even nominated for PotM) Best of luck to you, lemme know if you have any other questions. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:38, February 18, 2015 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. Additionally, please don't indent your paragraphs as it messes with the page's formatting. | creepypasta.wikia.com | [[User:Underscorre|'Under']][[User talk:Underscorre|'Scorre']] | Underscorre (talk) }} 18:40, February 22, 2015 (UTC)